Interviews: Drunk or Sober?

So, the economy still sucks and I'm still looking for work. This week I had the fortune of going on a few interviews. They were all awesome and I expect at least 2 offers by next week.

The first was for a wine tour company and sure enough the interviewer was drunk...i'm talking wasted-and-ready-to-go-home-with-someone drunk. Unfortunately, it was not with me...or maybe I was fortunate (the brooklyn accent was too much). She dropped my resume about twice as many times as she asked me where I was from (approx. 5), and then told me how much she loved my shoes (i wasn't wearing any). Part of the interview was singing karaoke and of course I picked my favorite: Air Supply "All Out Of Love". During the song she slow danced with me and attempted to stuff a dollar down my pants. Oh yeah, this was a group interview so the other 2 interviewees just sat and watched in embarrassment as their boss got drunk and fondled people (I'd say sexual harassment but I enjoyed it). Needless to say, I don't think I'd be able to get the job but it was a fun experience.

The second was for a real estate company in Midtown that seemed all too much. I was running a bit late and so started speed walking with an extra bounce in my step. When I got there I was a sweating mess not because I was worried about the interview but because I was walking and jogging. The fact I was sweating then made me nervous which then caused me to sweat more. I couldn't cool down not matter how much I tried. Then the 2 ladies I was interviewing with walked in in these skirts...and being the moron that I am I couldn't help but stair at their legs during the interview. Imagine a sweating dave staring at women's legs and trying to score a job. I got the feeling I had been caught. At some point I just realized how terrible it went and decided to just finish my questions early and let them go. My last words were "Do you ladies have business cards...thanks girls (once they handed them to me)...ok, I'll see you guys later"

That transition where the sexist pig came out in me...I slowly turned them from ladies, to girls, to guys...I was kicking myself the entire way out all while giggling like an idiot that I had been staring at their legs.

What did I learn I do great in interviews with drunk women but not so great with sober women. Somehow I need to get them drunk. Or better yet, I'll just get shit faced and see how that goes. At this point I just don't give a flying F#@%

Long Term work...or not.

i found this amazing job on craigslist. It's perfect for someone who wants a long term job but at the same time is just looking for something temporary. It's a trend that's growing with companies right now: Unobtrusive Hiring for fear of being too aggressive with potential hirers since the economy is doing so fucking well. It seems the recession is over.

"Welcome aboard, Stanley. Work is 9 to 5 Monday thru Friday...unless you don't want to come in...or maybe you've got other stuff to do....we're fine either way...oh yeah, it's $24 per hour"

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/ofc/1386587414.html

Long Term Temporary Administrative Assistants (New York, NY)

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Date: 2009-09-22, 10:01AM EDT
Reply to: ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

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Temporary Administrative Assistant

NY Office



IMMEDIATE NEED FOR LONG TERM TEMPORARY EXECUTIVE/ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANTS

Texan T-Bone: My Thoughts on Houston

It seem this economy is no one's friend. People are moving around to make finding work more effective...or more drunker. A friend recently moved to Houston and decided to give his thoughts on Houston in a new guest blog I'd like to call "Texan T-Bone"

My thoughts on Houston:

1. It rained harder here in one day than the worst weather I’ve ever seen in my life growing up in SoCal.
2. The waitresses give much better service than in CA. You are hard pressed to finish a beer before they have made sure that another one is on the way.
3. Short story…I went into a pretty large sports bar recently. Asked the manager to put the Dodger game on one of the TVs. There was a large table of about 8 dudes sitting behind me watching the Houston Texans PRESEASON game. This game was on about 8 TVs within eyeshot. Apparently, the small little TV that I took over was the one they liked. As I was wearing my SC hat, they put 2 and 2 together to figure out that the lone guy at the table drinking Fat Tire probably had the TV changed. They started talking shit about watching baseball, not directed at me, but loud enough to make sure I heard, you get the idea. Then they started talking smack about SC football, again, not at me, but just loud. Funniest thing…a few minutes later, they are getting drunker and now they are enjoying the baseball game and rehashing stories of playing childhood baseball. One of the guys was apparently a pretty good 5^th grade shortstop.
4. A note on that Fat Tire I was drinking…Drinking more expensive import beer at a bar out here is like wearing white sport socks in England, you will stick out. While they generally have a solid beer selection, most people are so darn proud to be from AMERICA – FUCK YEAH! that they stick to good ol’ Bud, Coors, or something, anything, brewed in TX.
5. Everyone born in the state of TX is proud of that fact.
6. People here really ARE nicer than those from CA. Until, that is, they find out you’re from CA.
7. Housing is way more affordable than LA. That is awesome.
8. I feel like the only one in this city that isn’t working.
9. My gym is awesome. And it’s almost always empty. Goes back to the fact that most people in Htown actually work for a living.
10. Being on Central time is a pain in the arse. You feel like a leper as TV promos always need to remind you that while the rest of the world gets the show at such and such a time, not for you fools! You shall watch Conan O’Brien early and it will make no sense to you at all.
11. Houston is not a walking town. Especially during the summer. It’s as important to have a car here than in LA. There are underground walking tunnels downtown because it’s so hot. That’s weird.
12. The locals complain about traffic. I laugh. Try any of the following freeways from 4-7pm: 405, 10, 101, 210, 91, 110, 5 and then get back to me. It’s great to be able to get about anywhere you need to go within a half hour.
13. And for lucky thought number 13…they need Trader Joe’s out here.

"Hi Mom" says the guy whose not getting laid EVER

This video made me think most of these fellows had futures in serial killing. Some were possibly the inspiration for the movie "40 Year Old Virgin". Either way, it's abosolutely hilarious. The amount of funny quotes will make you're brain explode.

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

Maybe for $500

While looking for work on craigslist I stumbled on this...im telling you good work is hard to find.

Worlds Oldest Person Dies: World's Second Oldest Person Celebrates!

It was discovered this morning that Johanas Magdellan, the World's Oldest Person, died at the age of 113. Upon the news Chappy McGoo, the Worlds Second Oldest Person now the Worlds Oldest Person, celebrated by blinking his eyes twice. When asked what he was going to do with his new crowned title Chappy responded by blinking 2 times taking a quick nap then blinking 2 more times. According to his bed side nurse, Janice Decking, that is the most excited he's been since 2008 when he moved up to second oldest person alive.

Tune in next week when we talk to Norma Clatcshke the new Worlds Second Oldest Person...possibly the new title holder. (note: the picture on the left is Stan Beasley who is ranked 556th but confirms he has a plan to move himself into the top 50 by November)

Do The Hitler!

This is by far one of the strangest videos I've ever seen (NSFW). It's basically an anti-aids/pro-condom ad from germany. The strange thing was I was mildly, if not completely (it's hard to tell these days), aroused.

It appears the sex catch phrase "the Hitler" may catch on a lot sooner than expected.