thanks, GUY!

Last night I stopped by the Red Lion in SilverLake. It's always a treat when I go here...I've been in this neighborhood for about 10 years and have celebrated numerous birthdays, smoked thousands of cigarettes, pounded hundreds of hef's, slapped many a' asses (not really - for legal reasons i must deny). 

But this blog is not about the good times had, the asses that were or were not slapped, nor is it about the fight i once got into with the piano player and manager...this blog is about the all mighty dollar. I'm pissed that after drinking 3 beers at a table of 15 people or so I ended up having to pay $100 buckaroos. It was a case of the old order-with-the-party-and-hope-they-don't-ask-me-to-pitch-in asshole syndrome going on.

I wouldn't normally be upset because, after all, I am a bizillionaire and i shit gold cakes on request (sometimes gold muffins)...but i'm trying to save money for NYC.  Why is it there are these $$#%@%$%^&@! (MUTHAFUCKIN ASSHOLES) that pull this kinda shit. Do they not believe in karma? do they not know Santa is watching? Were they raised by Wolves? I can't be too upset since this is something I pulled constantly in my 20s (im still in my 20s...so when in rome) but whAT THE FUCK, MAN! if you're gonna pull shit like that then just sit in the car and pound a 6-pack or better yet drink a bottle of Jack and walk in with a gun and a sombrero...i mean you might as well dress like a cowboy if you're gonna act like a cowboy (i heard they're dicks). I don't know where that came from. 

The point im trying to get at is someone owes me $82.50. I figured that's the extra I threw in for someone else's drinks. So if you can spare some change...please drop it in the can.

On a side note, I did run into a lot of friends that I hadn't seen in quite some time and that's not something you can put a price tag on....except the price for me was $82.50... so, yeah, you can put a price tag on it, assholes!

You mean I'm not at Don Brazilios?!

I'm waiting for a family to punch the marketing idiots behind the whole  "SURPRISE-you're-not-at-an-italian-restaurant-it's-just-pizza-hut" commerical idea.  I understand that they're trying to tell us the food is soo good people would think its from an italian restaurant but here's the thing Pizza Hut...if you told me you were taking me to lick butts at an underground S&M sex dungeon in San Francisco on the corner of Market and 23rd called Don Brazilios (totally hypothetical situation), and then while i was in the process of licking a butt (mind you im doing all of this blindfolded) you asked me where i thought i was licking a butt at...I'd probably say Don Brazilios. I'd be surprised to find out that you put me in a limo and took me back home to lick butts. 

The point I'm tyring to make is this: at no point did I say "wow, this is the best butt i've licked" or "yum, corn...interesting kick"...i simply thought i was at one place and it turned out I was not.  My other point..hopefully no one reads this because i'm grossing myself out. Last but not least, Pizza Hut...STOP IT! It's annoying. You're like my little brother (if i had one) that keeps trying to wrestle with you when you know you can just punch him in the nuts real quick but then he'll probably run crying to mom.

Red Dragon you're my only friend! If I could birth your children we'd have little brown dragons running around...you know, cuz im mexican.

So i recently found out I was NOT a contestant winner for a free phone and 6 month subscription. Instead I'm going to blog about my POS phone. It's awesome. Just last night it turned off on me 4 times. It was pretty sweet the way I have to start my textmsgs over and over bc my phone keeps turning off. I'm just amazed. Sure I've dropped it numerous times...Sure it's about 3 years old...Sure, no one's reading this....But it's my fight against the man. I'm going to start a site that unites people with terrible phones all over the world...a place to vent cell phone incidents...it turns off when you close it, it turns off when you text, it tried to eat you...you, know, you're standard cell phone gossip column. I'll be back.

Welcome to my world. I'm going to try my best to show exactly how it is this big head of mine works. The wheels don't always crank but that doesn't mean it's not working.