Texan T-Bone: My Thoughts on Houston

It seem this economy is no one's friend. People are moving around to make finding work more effective...or more drunker. A friend recently moved to Houston and decided to give his thoughts on Houston in a new guest blog I'd like to call "Texan T-Bone"

My thoughts on Houston:

1. It rained harder here in one day than the worst weather I’ve ever seen in my life growing up in SoCal.
2. The waitresses give much better service than in CA. You are hard pressed to finish a beer before they have made sure that another one is on the way.
3. Short story…I went into a pretty large sports bar recently. Asked the manager to put the Dodger game on one of the TVs. There was a large table of about 8 dudes sitting behind me watching the Houston Texans PRESEASON game. This game was on about 8 TVs within eyeshot. Apparently, the small little TV that I took over was the one they liked. As I was wearing my SC hat, they put 2 and 2 together to figure out that the lone guy at the table drinking Fat Tire probably had the TV changed. They started talking shit about watching baseball, not directed at me, but loud enough to make sure I heard, you get the idea. Then they started talking smack about SC football, again, not at me, but just loud. Funniest thing…a few minutes later, they are getting drunker and now they are enjoying the baseball game and rehashing stories of playing childhood baseball. One of the guys was apparently a pretty good 5^th grade shortstop.
4. A note on that Fat Tire I was drinking…Drinking more expensive import beer at a bar out here is like wearing white sport socks in England, you will stick out. While they generally have a solid beer selection, most people are so darn proud to be from AMERICA – FUCK YEAH! that they stick to good ol’ Bud, Coors, or something, anything, brewed in TX.
5. Everyone born in the state of TX is proud of that fact.
6. People here really ARE nicer than those from CA. Until, that is, they find out you’re from CA.
7. Housing is way more affordable than LA. That is awesome.
8. I feel like the only one in this city that isn’t working.
9. My gym is awesome. And it’s almost always empty. Goes back to the fact that most people in Htown actually work for a living.
10. Being on Central time is a pain in the arse. You feel like a leper as TV promos always need to remind you that while the rest of the world gets the show at such and such a time, not for you fools! You shall watch Conan O’Brien early and it will make no sense to you at all.
11. Houston is not a walking town. Especially during the summer. It’s as important to have a car here than in LA. There are underground walking tunnels downtown because it’s so hot. That’s weird.
12. The locals complain about traffic. I laugh. Try any of the following freeways from 4-7pm: 405, 10, 101, 210, 91, 110, 5 and then get back to me. It’s great to be able to get about anywhere you need to go within a half hour.
13. And for lucky thought number 13…they need Trader Joe’s out here.

"Hi Mom" says the guy whose not getting laid EVER

This video made me think most of these fellows had futures in serial killing. Some were possibly the inspiration for the movie "40 Year Old Virgin". Either way, it's abosolutely hilarious. The amount of funny quotes will make you're brain explode.

Dating Montage
by smithy00101

Maybe for $500

While looking for work on craigslist I stumbled on this...im telling you good work is hard to find.

Worlds Oldest Person Dies: World's Second Oldest Person Celebrates!

It was discovered this morning that Johanas Magdellan, the World's Oldest Person, died at the age of 113. Upon the news Chappy McGoo, the Worlds Second Oldest Person now the Worlds Oldest Person, celebrated by blinking his eyes twice. When asked what he was going to do with his new crowned title Chappy responded by blinking 2 times taking a quick nap then blinking 2 more times. According to his bed side nurse, Janice Decking, that is the most excited he's been since 2008 when he moved up to second oldest person alive.

Tune in next week when we talk to Norma Clatcshke the new Worlds Second Oldest Person...possibly the new title holder. (note: the picture on the left is Stan Beasley who is ranked 556th but confirms he has a plan to move himself into the top 50 by November)

Do The Hitler!

This is by far one of the strangest videos I've ever seen (NSFW). It's basically an anti-aids/pro-condom ad from germany. The strange thing was I was mildly, if not completely (it's hard to tell these days), aroused.

It appears the sex catch phrase "the Hitler" may catch on a lot sooner than expected.

Doogie Howser moment: Pride vs. Karma

It's a funny thing about pride that when you think you're above it something happens that makes you realize you're never above anything. In the end I'd like to beat the crap out of Pride and Karma.

Watch Out Bad Guys...Seagal Is Coming

I just saw this and this DOES look amazing. I know what I'm doing this december, do you?

Some Movie about Stuff

I can't speak for this movie but the last line of the trailer (starting @ 2:28) is pretty hilarious. I think it might be Horatio Sanz, from SNL, who lost some weight...ok, lots of it. good for him but I'm pretty sure his manager begged him to stay fat...fat is funny. thin is boring.

Doggie Torture: It's worse than you thought

what kind of sick animal would let their dog go through this torture. Sure, you thought it was cute for the first 15 seconds but at what point do you think "i wonder if this is the same kind of shit Hitler or Damer did with their french bulldog." Probably not because last time I checked they didn't torture any animals! Michael Vick looks like a florist next to this jerk.

It appears there's been a string of these cute puppy videos polluting the internet for quite some time. However, the culprit is still at large due to an unbreakable code of communication. This code language is all over the videos description and title. I hope these sick little fuckers are brought to justice.

yo, but seriously, Isn't it really cute for the first 15 secs (no homo!). What a dumb dog! Of course he's french, they love rolling over on their backs (stephane, i apologize). Normally it doesn't last 59 secs...it's usally for about 50 years and counting (again, i apologize but only to Stephane). Really cute.

No dice on the open mic

I tried performing at 3 open mics tonight. let's just say my lucks run out. I was on my way to the first and could not figure out how to get there. After making about 3 circles around union square I figured it was too late but not before I fucked with someone's game of quarters. I caused some dude to lose some money is all I can tell. I thought I was stopping a quarter from rolling and it turned out that was not a good thing.

The second one I was able to call ahead and as it turned out was cancelled for the night. So i saved myself the trip.

The third, I trekked all the way to 33rd and 5th only to get there and realize it had also been cancelled but since they had no contact info I found out the hard way.

This town is drier than a 104 yr old woman.

I can only say that I got a nice walk out of it. I hope tomorrow night is better. I really would like to make people NOT laugh. It would be a dream.

Animals cameras more important than AIDs

This is some really wierd, interesting, boring shit. It's small video cameras that were mounted on the back of various animals by the Museum of Animal Perspectives (MAP's...So that's what the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs were screaming about in there song). The most worthless one is the house fly cam. It lasts a whole 7 seconds and the fly moves a good 3 inches.

What I can't understand is how this camera is small enough to fit on the back of a fly yet we still can't seem to create a phone that beats the crap out of the IPhone. Or maybe someday we can just focus on curing something important like AIDs or that thing that causes yellow armpit stains on your shirts, it's really fucking with my wardrobe. I guess for now these critters and their little cameras are a just a tad more important than some dude with aids, unless you're Magic Johnson.

Btw, this armidillo one is pretty neat too. Oh, and to answer your earlier question 'yes, i'm unemployed'

note: Magic Johnson has HIV not AIDs but I was trying to prove a point; Armpit stains are more important than AIDs and animal cameras are waay more important than either AIDs or pit stains.